A homeless dog in Aurora, Illinois, is described as “pretty awesome,” despite sounding decidedly terrible in his adoption biography. The hysterical bio offers potential adopters straight-forward facts about the English bulldog mix, whose name is Chowder.
From the information provided, Chowder drools, farts, snores, and maneuvers around like a bull in a China shop. But don’t take my word for it, read all about Chowder from someone who knows him best!
The bio is being copied directly from the Animal Heartline Humane Facebook page (for your reading pleasure).
He’s officially adoptable! And his bio sounds like the worst dog in the world!
He’s actually pretty awesome and freaking hysterical. Just sounds terrible on paper.ChowderGender: MaleAge: 3Weight: 65 lbsBreed: English Bulldog xNeutered: YesVaccinated: YesMicrochipped: Yes
Foster Location: Aurora, IL. No out of state applicants, please.
Cats: Unknown. But let’s go with no. No seems like a solid plan.
Home Recommendation: Single Family. Fenced yard. He’s a loud barker and needs leash work.
Kids: Yes. But how tough are your kids? He is a stumpy legged, thick bodied, giant headed, wrecking ball. No human, big nor small gets treated differently by Chowder. He is in your face, on your lap and he’s gonna love you. And he’s gonna love you so much it hurts. Body parts do get stepped on. Some of those body parts are more sensitive than others, and he will step on them all. He lives with 3 kids, ages 6, 8 and 13. He will knock kids over and steal their blankets to whip around and whack himself in the head with. He also does this with toys. HARD toys. Everything is a game so if your child is crying because Chowder just stole his stuffed animal, Chowder doesn’t care. That stuffed animal was worth it. Man up, kid. Recommendation of older children unless you’ve also got “bull in a China shop” kids. He can also get “mouthy” when he gets overstimulated. Chewing on sleeves or hands. He redirects very nicely with a toy that’s appropriate. He is also “humpy” the first couple days. No, I didn’t try to type “jumpy” I meant to type “humpy”. No, he isn’t trying to dominate you or your kids. He’s overexcited and probably has some nervous energy with all the newness. The humping behavior was easily redirected and stopped quickly as he settled in.
Crate Trained: Getting there! Goes in very easily with treats. Will run right in if a treat is thrown in there. Will bark for a few minutes but settles. If he’s in a crate, in a room alone and he hears a lot of commotion, he will bark. If you’ve left and the house is quiet, he’s quiet. He’s great in the crate if someone is in the same room with him though. He likes being with his people. He happily snoozes in an open crate during the day if you’re working from home and the crate is near your work area.
Potty Trained: Not 100% but he’s doing well! He was a “marker” the first couple days. This was not a matter of potty training but that he was marking new areas and he was not yet neutered (he is now). The marking completely stopped within a couple days. He’s been good about going to the backdoor. He goes out and does his business and will bark at the backdoor when he wants to come in.Dogs: At this time, we’re listing him as an only dog. Dog intros are tough. He has zero boundaries, takes no cues and just goes right in. Other dogs don’t enjoy his meets. Chowder starts to get frustrated when he’s not able to get right to the dog and the energy just gets too high. We’re working on this in the meantime though.Leash Manners: Forget it. None. Get that harness ready and hold on tight. Chowder is gonna take you for a walk.
He’s got jowls for days, and they’re comin’ in hot. Right in your direction.
Those clean and dry clothes you’re wearing…well…they’re no longer clean, nor dry. Why didn’t you just wear dirty clothes?
This dude is gross! Watching him drink water is quite the sight. Half the bowl is gone almost immediately after he starts drinking. Does he drink too much you ask? Is there a medical reason why he goes through that much water? Nope. Half that water he’s drinking, doesn’t end up in his mouth. It’s hanging off his face, it’s in every area outside the water bowl, and he leaves a disgusting and slippery trail, wherever he decides to travel. Have drool, will travel.He farts. And he farts a lot. They’re deadly smelling. While sleeping once, he farted so loud, he was jolted awake by the noise and the forceful vibration of his own butthole. He was terrified and he looked around as if someone had come to attack him. Think he was scared? Now, picture the person laying next to him that was startled first by his fart, and then even more startled by the dog, jolting up abruptly, as if they were both under siege. Nothing like a dog and a human both having the crap scared out of them…by a fart. That fart took quite a few minutes for us to both calm down from. Scariest fart of our lives.Chowder is a goof! There’s not much he takes too seriously. Besides treats. Treats are serious business! He will do just about anything for a treat. Even stuff he really doesn’t want to do. But treats are life.With a face and personality like Chowder’s we think he will still find his furever home, even if he’s gross and has no manners. But this guy is super treat motivated and with some positive training and consistency, he’ll be well on his way to having manners.He’ll still be gross though. You can’t fix that. Embrace the gross.He’s overall an easy dog that is sweet, happy, cuddly and isn’t overly energetic. He loves playing and is a bulldozer but he relaxes and naps a lot too. He doesn’t require mass amounts of exercise. He is more than happy to lounge around in bed and watch tv with his humans.
Oh! Almost forgot! He snores. It’s not quiet.
If you’re interested in meeting this perfect specimen of a dog, please fill out an application at animalheartline.org and his foster mom will contact you.
Find the rescue group on Facebook at this link.
(Images via Facebook)
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Such a sweet parrot!
WOW! SO UNFAIR! ANIMAL HEARTLINE ISN’T DOING THIS SWEETHEART ANY FAVORS!
THE BIO SHOULD DESCRIBE HIM AS A HAPPY, HEALTHY, ACTIVE DOLL!